I have prayed to God countless times about my husband in addition to many other things: family, peace, healing, and finances.
But one petition that stands far above them all is that I have asked Him to use me. Use me how He sees fit. Use me for the purpose for which He created me. Use me so that He can get the glory. Use me so that my life can serve as an example of His goodness and truth. Use me to show the world that He is real. Use me to demonstrate how to live this superabundant life in quality and superior in quality through the blood when we follow Jesus wholeheartedly and blameless.
Quite honestly, I have questioned and doubted about whether my unanswered prayers have fallen on deaf ears. Or, if indeed, He is molding me and refining me so as to use me when He sees fit, not a minute too soon and not a minute too late.
It is difficult when I hear of others who ‘prayed’ and not too long after met ‘the one.’ Time and time again, I have heard many say that it was a simple prayer and it was only a matter of days, weeks or months when He answered it, not years – like it has felt for me.
And so I can only begin to reason, to reassure myself, to encourage my soul that there’s a reason behind the wait. I believe that He is transforming me to become part of the solution, not add to the problem. I have got to believe that this dissatisfaction I feel about divorce, single parent homes & child abuse stems from His own heart.
And that in order to heal the family (nations), I have to first be healed myself…otherwise the cycle continues repeating itself.
The refinement has come in many ways, especially others who have come alongside me and have imparted wisdom, first in the area of faith, then in the area of physical healing and then in the area of relationships and most recently in the area of deep-seated emotional & mental healing I didn’t even realize I had.
So the question, really, is to what extent do I want to be used by God?
I want to be used greatly. Therefore, I recognize that the refinement is necessary.